Happy Birthday, Toad!

My Perfect Cody,
This week, you’re turning one. I was pregnant with you only a minute or two ago, and here you are- ready to walk around the house, pretty much ruling the house. Seriously, where does the time go? When I think of what to say to you that might one day help you understand how I feel about you, a lot of it sounds cliché. I’m madly in love with you, obsessed with being around you, attached to you at the heart and the hip (literally), and proud as can be of you. The way I feel about you simply cannot be described without sounding common, like a love nearly everyone has felt at one time or another. But, I’m convinced this love is anything but common.
From day one, you were exactly what we needed. We were living in a fantasy- balancing fairly skillfully the art of being a parent to one compliant little boy. We’d remind each other, “you can’t think Ben’s this way because of something we did, he just sort of came this way.” But, I know that both of us were guilty here and there of thinking we deserved at least some accolades for turning out a kid as easy and obedient as your brother. Ha! You were a gift from God, a much needed gift, that shot those delusions to pieces.
That’s not to say you were terrible…not at all. You were and are at one year old simply more challenging, more normal that way. You have taught me a lot about myself. That I need to develop patience, endurance, selflessness, humility, the ability to seek advice and help. I can’t tell you enough how much I needed that. I needed to be reminded that I was not the “natural” I was beginning to believe I was. There were times my automatic responses, my motherly instincts, just weren’t working on you, and I had to rely on God for help. I thank Him that He made you just that way because it is such a huge blessing; such a valuable lesson.
But, it has not been all stretching and challenging. The majority of the time is filled with laughter at the smallest things you do. I said from the beginning, you have a face that’s impossible to look at and not smile or laugh. You’re just too cute for words. From the time you were able to, you would pat my back when I’d hold you (quite possibly a random thing, but you really seemed to be saying, “Good job, mom, I love you”). As you grew, the pats continued, but you also regularly sunk your face and head into our chests when we held you, a tender gesture that is sweeter than you could ever know. Your smile is priceless- big and genuine. My mom says it "wraps around your face". Your laugh is contagious and hilarious. You are already funny- without being able to speak a single word, you make jokes. You crack yourself, your brother, and us up all the time. You are smart, too. I know every parent thinks that about every one of their children, but you truly are. I see the wheels turning in your head about things. I know you’re storing everything up.
The most precious times in my life have been when I have rocked you and sung you to sleep. I love staring into your big, blue eyes as they grow heavy and finally give in. I love tickling your skin and rubbing your head. I love kissing in the deepest part of your neck and on your drooly lips.
I’d give the world to freeze you in time. But, before I blink an eye, I will be pondering another year with you. I just pray I have as sharp of a memory as I can. There are countless moments I recognize the specialness I am in and tell myself, “Remember this…hold his face, hold his smell, hold his taste, hold that noise in your mind…please” like I’m trying to rationalize with a random and uncontrollable thing. I want to remember this year I had with you vividly forever. It has been incredible.
You are my perfect dream come true. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Suffice it to say, I love you, Cody. I don’t just love you because you’re my boy, I love you because of who and how you are. Happy Birthday, Stinkbug.