My Prayer for the Boys

Dear God, I pray all unafraid
as we're inclined to do
I do not need a handsome son
but let him be like you

I do not need one big and strong
nor yet so very tall
Nor need he be a genius, no
nor wealthy man at all

And let his head be high, Dear God
and let his eyes be clear
His shoulders straight what e'er his fate - what e'er his life holds here

and let his face have character
a ruggedness of soul
and let his whole life show, Dear God
a singleness of goal

and when he grows as he will grow
with quiet eyes aglow
I'll understand that he's the man
I prayed for long ago

Dear God, I pray
for love, He gave me you

-Thanks to Wayne M Joseph for original lyrics ( I changed a bit) Sung by Patti Griffin)

Nothing too earth-shattering going on, but here's the latest:
-Cody is 17 months and beginning to talk (some two word phrases now). He loves to read and sing. He is more daring than Ben ever was, willing to take off down the road if I turn away for three seconds, willing to jump off of furniture, etc. He will require more proactive parenting. When he's in a good mood, he is extraordinarilly fun, super entertaining, and cute. When he's in a bad mood, he's still cute, but very draining. Sadly, he has been in a bad mood for much of the last three months due to ear infections, seemingly constant sickness, and teething. Nothing, from the common cold to a tooth, comes easily for Cody. Everything seems heightened a little bit on the pain scale for him. Poor guy. But, thankfully, just when it seems we literally cannot take the fussiness anymore, there is a period of playfulness, cuddling, or good belly-laughter that refuels us again. He is incredible and he reminds us of it regularly. I am just anxious for it to be summer (less sickness going around) and for his darned teeth to be here.
-Ben is in a great stage of conversing, questioning, and reasoning. His mind has always seemed brilliant and he continues to astound us in that department. He is a good big brother and a compassionate person all around. He still lets me cuddle him on occasion. All of the talkativeness, though, can also be tiring. I try to remember what I heard a mother say on the radio (she had lost her little boy in a car accident): "I used to hear 'Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?' and wish I could change my name. Now, I'd give anything in the world to hear that voice again." I try to keep it in perspective.
-Mark spent the last few months busy at Carrington College, covering a position on campus while they looked for a new hire. Now, things in the presenting department should slow down during the summer, but he will most likely continue to help normal hours at the campus. He has also continued working with some local high school kickers and punters in a one-on-one setting. He gets paid to do what comes easily to him (kicking and teaching) and it benefits these kids greatly. One kid he has been working with regularly has excelled and is expected to get scholarships for his kicking.
-I recently determined that I need to do something to distract myself, to use my talents, to create a hobby, and to generate more income. I have purchased books on the process of getting children's literature published. I have worked on a couple of stories. Also, a couple weeks ago, Mark and I started purchasing used furniture (usually very used) and refurbishing it for money. We have been ultra-busy with it and having a pretty good time, too. Nearly everything we have posted on craigslist has sold within a day, usually for 2-4 times what we put into it. Not sure we can keep up the pace we have for the last while, but it is a fun thing on the side. (I'm attaching a couple of photos of things we've completed so far).
-My mom, step-dad, brother Dennis and his family will all be visiting early July. Some great friends of ours from AZ will be here late June. My dad and step-mom plan to get out here at some point this summer as well. My friend, Shawna, is getting married in Loma Linda, CA in August and Joy and I will both be in the wedding. We may stay a while after and make a family vacation out of it while we're at it.
-I am waiting on insurance to approve covering a procedure to fix my deviated septum and other nasal issues impairing my breathing. I have dealt with this for as long as I can remember and am ready to have it cleared up. If this happens, it will most likely be in August.
And, that's the latest!

Being the age that I am, I have a faint memory of life without the luxury of computers and internet and cell phones. I spent high school using a typewriter, big text books, reference books, and imagination. I spent college in the library, signing out huge stacks of 1,000 page books and scanning them as fast and thoroughly as I possibly could to find a good piece of information or a quotable quote on a subject. I owned an atlas and a map of the city where I lived. I had no cell phone, no facebook or myspace page, and so I was reachable only by phone if I happened to be at home. If I wanted a coupon, I bought a Sunday paper. If I wanted directions, I stopped at a gas station and asked someone, if I wanted to find the best place to eat, I relied on word of mouth or I took a chance. I used a big, wall calendar to remember things like appointments and people's birthdays. I kept a journal in spiral notebooks when I was broke or cutesy decorative diaries when I had the money to invest. (Which, besides the writer's cramp, was far superior since my journal of five years on the computer was recently lost). I owned a big collection of CD's, and yes, a few cassette tapes as well. I was forced to purchase the bad songs with the good if I wanted music. I frequented places like Blockbuster Video and paid many late fees for not remembering to return the movie in time. If I wanted a dress, I had to go to the mall or wherever to look around until I found what I had envisioned. When my car made a peculiar noise, I took it into the shop and gave my best impression of the sound (yes, with my mouth), rather than typing "Chevy Blazer engine sounds like a pig snoring" and getting the exact diagnosis to pop up.
Yeah, so there I go, off on a Generation Y version of "walking to school uphill both ways". But, I don't mean it to sound that way at all. I knew nothing different at the time. I, along with most people around me, was perfectly content with the lack of technology and convenience because it did not seem like a need was there when I didn't know there was another alternative.
Now that I do know better, though, it is hard to imagine ever going back. It took me until I was 19 to admit I might find a cell phone useful. Mark and I, engaged at the time, swallowed our pride (yes, we were proud that we had gone so long without, unlike all the yuppies who thought themselves too important and popular to wait on a phone call until they got home) and we got phones. After only a short time, I was as hooked on the convenience as anybody. We went without internet for a couple years of our marriage, but occasionally visited libraries and friends' houses to have that access. As soon as it was in our home, we both knew it would be hard not to make up for lost time. It is addictive for sure.
There are so many things that still fascinate me about the internet. I can't believe I can do a job from home- never have anything in writing. It amazes me that ANY project we need help on, ANY symptom of sickness, ANY recipe, ANY piece of meaningless information is at our fingertips. It's truly incredible and I am glad I tasted life without it so I can be aware of how easy it's made things.
At the same time, I don't want it to make me lazy and boring. I recognized the other day at the library that I don't really even know how to find a book anymore. I still kinda like calling up my dad and asking him how to do something, instead of relying on feedback from strangers on the web. I still think the trial and error of things is valuable, and I still believe we should all maintain some level of imagination or we will be complete duds.

Three Years Old, Always Our Baby

A lump is in my throat as I begin to write this. It's all at once exciting and difficult to accept that Ben is going to be 3 tomorrow! What a joy it has been to have him in our lives. I have a very vague memory of life pre-Benjamin, but I have a hard time imagining how we ever got by without him! He is truly our "bright spot" every day, a ray of sunshine from the moment his eyes open until he makes his last car engine sounds from his bedroom at night.
Really, I could go on and on about him. But,if you asked me to describe how it feels to be his mommy, I would just say "BLESSED, BLESSED, BLESSED." Every day is truly a gift.


Ben's birthday started last weekend when we took him to the Roadster Show. He was in awe of the cars there. I know I was even impressed, so I can only imagine Ben's excitement. On Monday, Grandma Nora flew in from Arizona for three nights. She treated Ben to some great food and some of his new favorite toys. On Wednesday, Grandma and Grandpa Gould joined us for a birthday "party" for Ben. We unveiled his Power Wheels car, which thrilled and overwhelmed him. Since then, he has gotten over the shock and fear and has become simply obsessed, as we figured he would. Now, tomorrow, his actual birthday, we will join his aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandparents at an indoor playground and lunch. It has been a special time celebrating our wonderful little boy.

Weekend in the Mountains

We had the rare (okay, maybe the only) opportunity to get away sans little ones with several of our favorite couples (a few missing, sadly) in McCall over the weekend. We were basically snowed in, in fact a few in the group were literally snowed in, but that was a good way to be in this beautiful scenery in a gorgeous cabin with pretty awesome company! I could definitely get used to that kind of relaxation!
Somehow, still, I was anxious to get back and see my little guys. Grandma and Grandpa Gould were kind enough to watch them for two nights at our place. I was happy to know they do indeed survive when we are not with them. (:

The first half of my day...

Day started with a screaming banshee at 6:30, I brought him into bed and he screamed angrilly at me for fifteen minutes while I told him he would NOT win this battle. Then, he won the battle and I let him down. Followed by a breakfast neither boy would eat and a bath for Cody since he smelled like tuna and spoiled milk. Followed by Mark coming home for a few and asking what the matter is with Cody and if he needs more discipline, followed by me excusing it with "teething", just as I have said since he was a 5 weeks old (he still only has three of them). Followed by a two hour grocery experience with myself and the boys at WinCo with Ben pushing his mini cart and them both letting me know how hungry they were. Followed by unloading the groceries while they ate pb&j's, followed by a loud THUD and finding Ben had fallen off a barstool directly on his head. Followed by Ben crying for 35 minutes and refusing to eat. Followed by a TERRIBLE smell from Cody, who created the world's hugest poo out the side of his diaper, all over his outfit, the high chair, and consequently- my hands and shirts. Followed by a disgusing diaper change with a screaming baby and a crying toddler. Follwed by discovering I had Ben's grape jelly all over the same white shirt and he had it all over him, as well as tons of green snot. Followed by another bath for Cody, followed by Ben crying because I said it was nap time. Followed by a quick load of laundry started (the third of the day) with all the snotty, jelly-stained, poop smeared clothing, followed by silence and a rant on facebook. It is only a little after one o'clock. And you know what? I LOVE this job.

Happy Birthday, Toad!

My Perfect Cody,
This week, you’re turning one. I was pregnant with you only a minute or two ago, and here you are- ready to walk around the house, pretty much ruling the house. Seriously, where does the time go? When I think of what to say to you that might one day help you understand how I feel about you, a lot of it sounds cliché. I’m madly in love with you, obsessed with being around you, attached to you at the heart and the hip (literally), and proud as can be of you. The way I feel about you simply cannot be described without sounding common, like a love nearly everyone has felt at one time or another. But, I’m convinced this love is anything but common.
From day one, you were exactly what we needed. We were living in a fantasy- balancing fairly skillfully the art of being a parent to one compliant little boy. We’d remind each other, “you can’t think Ben’s this way because of something we did, he just sort of came this way.” But, I know that both of us were guilty here and there of thinking we deserved at least some accolades for turning out a kid as easy and obedient as your brother. Ha! You were a gift from God, a much needed gift, that shot those delusions to pieces.
That’s not to say you were terrible…not at all. You were and are at one year old simply more challenging, more normal that way. You have taught me a lot about myself. That I need to develop patience, endurance, selflessness, humility, the ability to seek advice and help. I can’t tell you enough how much I needed that. I needed to be reminded that I was not the “natural” I was beginning to believe I was. There were times my automatic responses, my motherly instincts, just weren’t working on you, and I had to rely on God for help. I thank Him that He made you just that way because it is such a huge blessing; such a valuable lesson.
But, it has not been all stretching and challenging. The majority of the time is filled with laughter at the smallest things you do. I said from the beginning, you have a face that’s impossible to look at and not smile or laugh. You’re just too cute for words. From the time you were able to, you would pat my back when I’d hold you (quite possibly a random thing, but you really seemed to be saying, “Good job, mom, I love you”). As you grew, the pats continued, but you also regularly sunk your face and head into our chests when we held you, a tender gesture that is sweeter than you could ever know. Your smile is priceless- big and genuine. My mom says it "wraps around your face". Your laugh is contagious and hilarious. You are already funny- without being able to speak a single word, you make jokes. You crack yourself, your brother, and us up all the time. You are smart, too. I know every parent thinks that about every one of their children, but you truly are. I see the wheels turning in your head about things. I know you’re storing everything up.
The most precious times in my life have been when I have rocked you and sung you to sleep. I love staring into your big, blue eyes as they grow heavy and finally give in. I love tickling your skin and rubbing your head. I love kissing in the deepest part of your neck and on your drooly lips.
I’d give the world to freeze you in time. But, before I blink an eye, I will be pondering another year with you. I just pray I have as sharp of a memory as I can. There are countless moments I recognize the specialness I am in and tell myself, “Remember this…hold his face, hold his smell, hold his taste, hold that noise in your mind…please” like I’m trying to rationalize with a random and uncontrollable thing. I want to remember this year I had with you vividly forever. It has been incredible.
You are my perfect dream come true. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Suffice it to say, I love you, Cody. I don’t just love you because you’re my boy, I love you because of who and how you are. Happy Birthday, Stinkbug.

If you knew me when I was growing up, I don't have to remind you that I LOVED my pets. I was rarely not outside with my dogs, pretending they were my horses and the leash was my reins on a wagon. I considered my horse my best friend, rode her every chance I got and spent the rest of my free time just in her presence. There were always at least a couple of cats at any given time, who would cuddle up next to me and sleep every night. I learned early-on that animals are a source of unconditional love and devotion. They are so quick to forgive and their company truly is theraputic.
It's funny how I changed as I grew up. I knew I wanted pets again in an effort to recreate those bonds I grew up with. Mark and I went through a couple dogs after buying our first home until we settled on our two grown mutts, Sasha and Dinka. They were as close to perfect (ugly, yes, but well behaved) as dogs can be, I have no complaints. Still, with two babies and other obligations, the dogs and our cats automatically slipped to the backburner. It only makes sense and is natural that things are placed in perspective once there is a little human being to take care of. But, it always baffled me that I could lack attachment with my pets when I used to be such an animal lover.
We gave away one of our cats a couple years ago and one of our dogs ran away. Although they were missed, we felt somewhat relieved to have less of a load in the pet department. So, we managed the last while with one cat and one dog. Dinka has battled an ear infection off and on for two years and lately, it was getting out of control. She would be scratching at it constantly and get it bloody and sore. I felt like looking out at her was a knife of guilt in the gut, but I knew there was nothing we could do that we hadn't already tried and we had zero money to devote to her antibiotics anymore (which didn't seem to work anyway). Mark took her to the shelter in Meridian earlier this week, knowing that they would do what they could to give her the care she deserved, and that worst case- she'd be out of her pain. Then, only days later, our cat got into another cat fight and came home with a major gash in his face and swelling. This had happened twice before and cost us $490 last time, so we both knew we could not do that again.
Bringing "The Quod" to the pound today was so much harder than I would have expected. Mark couldn't go in, so I did- thinking I had no real bond and could be stoic about it. Not the case. I saw Mark get emotional and I lost it. We don't know if they'll determine that his injuries are worth treating or not. We're hoping they will see what a sweetie he is and give him a chance, but we're realistic, too.
Under my pressure, Mark and I went to the pound when we were dating and found a teeny five-week old kitten for his apartment. The little thing crawled up Mark's shirt and started sucking on his earlobe, clearly, he'd been weaned too early. Mark knew that was the one for him. In Mark's nasty apartment, Quodus (named by his roommate) got severe ringworm and an anal infection right from the get go. Mark spent his money and time nursing that helpless thing back to health. A real bond was formed. We moved to New Jersey, Flagstaff, Scottsdale, and Boise with him in tow. He was always especially loyal to Mark, still attempting to suck on his collar or neck or earlobe (slightly more disturbing with a grown cat). It was clear, all the times we brought him to the vet and spent money we didn't have, that Mark was willing to do what it took to keep his bud.
Animals truly are an example of loyalty and forgiveness. I don't know how many times I threw Quodus out the door in frustration or yelled at Dinka for something, just to have them nuzzle up to me at the next opportunity. People just aren't like that. It's so sad to think about how disposable they became to us this week after everything was said and done. I hate that.
I hope that someday we'll be in a position (in life and with money) where we can be devoted and responsible pet owners. I want my kids to have that like I did.

Crawling!

I always loved this little video of Ben crawling, so we recreated it with Cody. So far, they are on almost identical schedules as far as motor skills go.

O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Surely a mand goes about as a shoadow!
I desperately need to know how fleeting my life is! In the whole scheme of things, it is really just a breath, a small blip on an endless screen. God certainly values it or He would not have sent His only son to die for my life. But, the goings on of my day-to-day life are so trivial in light of eternity. Sometimes I feel like I am not capable of fully grasping this world and this life of mine for what it is. In my humanness, it is all I know...the here and now. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in it that I live as though this life is EVERYthing. My current struggles, even if they were to greatly multiply, will seem small when I get my first glimpse of eternity. I think it's interesting that David prayed for the ability to wrap his head around the big picture so that his stressful situation would not seem so overwhelming.

Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather! And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
My good friend was here for a few days and we had a long discussion about banking our hopes in things on this earth. She gave the example of something simple, getting seriously distraught over a delayed flight. I gave the example of how I imagined life would be by the time I was 30 and how differently it has played out in some respects. I placed my hope in an idealistic and unrealistic fantasy and have found myself distresed over the fact that it didn't work out like that. A while back, a wise older woman I know told me something that has really stuck with me- at 60-something, she thought she would have "arrived". "You don't ever arrive in this life," she said. What a good reminder! "A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps" Proverbs 16:9.

I am mute, I do not open my mouth, for it is you who have done it. Remove your stroke from me; I am spent by the hostility of your hand. When you discipline a man with rebukes for sin, you consume like a moth what is dear to him; surely all mankind is a mere breath! (Psalm 39)
I would have to do a more in-depth study of this scripture to really say for sure what it was talking about, but at first glance this seemed so perfect for me to hear right now! Perhaps the stress and difficulty we are facing is truly a discipline from God for our sin, or at least a testing He's allowed for our growth. In either case, when it happens, it absolutely consumes like a moth that what it most dear to us! I have seen the things I valued, but didn't know I valued, destroyed altogether or at least taken away in a sense. I have realized that what has been dear to me has NOT been God. I am learning how valuable He is and how fleeting everything else is!

The Sweetest Things

Mark and his failed apple tree project. Certainly not for a lack of trying.


The boys and I taking a walk in Kathryn Alberston Park


A rare occasion where all three of us were looking at the camera at once. Smiling? That's asking too much.


This is the greatest man alive. Period.

On the Bright Side...

I thought after my last post I'd better get on here and give an update. For a couple of years, I have been going through the motions spiritually- just doing what I know I need to do in the smallest passable proportions. But, when I opened the Word, it was dry and too familiar. I wasn't inspired to really study, so when I'd try to force myself, I would just get frustrated. I kept feeling like the words I was reading were things I already knew and that it was hard to justify spending the time. Not to mention prayer or the lack thereof. I did it here and there, but they were mostly short and dry pleas to God to stir something up in me again. Recently, I asked God that He would make His Word valuable and rich in my life again, no matter what it took.
I don't know for sure that our current struggles are a direct response to those prayers because they sort of existed anyway, but I do believe that the severity of the situation came at the perfect time for me. Like I mentioned, it has been a real indicator of my values and the sources of my contentment and peace. Just having that spare five dollars to get a Starbucks or being able to pick myself up a shirt at Marshalls or buy nice shampoo or take the kids to Rafiki or eat dinner out just so I could get a break from cooking, or have fresh highlights...those were my comforts. I didn't realize they were until I had to eliminate them recently. I found myself wanting to curl up in a ball and cry because I had no financial comfort. (Of course, there are the deeper concerns that come with a lack of money- such as regular gas, groceries, mortgage payments, my kids' futures, saving for our future, etc. and believe me, they are causes of stress right now. But, I'm talking solely about the problem of my heart on the smaller things).
About the time I wrote my last post, I was starting to glean from the Word of God again. I decided that, given my current schedule and everything, I shouldn't seek to do an in-depth study of Exodus or anything, but instead- open the Bible daily to Psalms and drink in basic truths of God's character. I never imagined I would be so touched! It seems they are written just for me each day, and the perfect reminders of my helplessness and God's goodness.
I was feeling like I was on the verge of another melt down and so I asked Mark if I could get alone for a bit. I sat in the tub and read some in the Bible. Suddenly it hit me that all of this is serving to bring about the exact thing I've prayed for- a passion for God's Word again and a real value put on communion with Him! It immediately made me GRATEFUL for our problems right now, and I'm not just saying that. It has been evident in me that comfort in my day-to-day life makes me think I'm independent. I forget about my NEED for God. Isn't that what the Bible mentions as the downfall of wealth...a tendancy to forget God? That's me! And, if that's the case with me, I am SO grateful that He's taking that away for however long is necessary.
I'm not saying that all is fine and dandy now. Obviously, there is a huge problem that still needs to be worked out or eked through. But, isn't it wonderful to know that huge problems aren't random and that God truly, truly controls them and allows them for a specific purpose?

Sheesh.

I have been such a ball of unpredictable emotion these last few. I feel literally pressed down and overwhelmed by our current situation. I experienced a lot of frustration and annoyance being here before, but never this level of defeatedness. I've gone from verging on tears all day to nearly throwing a tantrum...haha, that sounds so crazy to say. I literally have to make the decision each day lately whether I want to wallow or whether I want to open the Word to a psalm and drink in some truth. I've been about half and half, if we're being honest.
And, although I always want to open up the Bible and have some verse about money or God the Provider jump out at me and seem heaven-sent, it hasn't been like that-exactly. Instead, I keep coming upon verses that speak to how BIG God is. How He is merciful and patient with our sinfulness and weakness...how He has in mind that we are "but dust". Somehow, that has been the best thing for me because my reaction to this relatively difficult time has been so sinful and pathetic. I guess my tendancy would be to feel sorry for myself, to feel frustrated with God and to feel like meditating on His goodness was the least desirable thing when I'm not feeling it right now. But, each time I do, I am tenderly placed by Him in a different spot, and my state of mind returns to where it should be.
I know it's silly to anyone reading this that I am so overcome by the simple struggle of being broke. I know a lot of people who are dealing with trials that trump ours, to put it mildly, and doing so with so much grace. I am reminded of what a weakling I am spiritually. How bent toward self and world I really am. Perhaps God has us here to show me my heart and make me ashamed of it. So far, I'd say it's working, but it's not been pretty or fun.

Contentment

Proverbs 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 23:4-5
Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

Proverbs 30: 7-9
Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

I have struggled most of my life with contentment. I am the one who walks through furniture stores and picks up every real estate pamphlet to get a better grasp on what exactly it is I cannot have. My hair is never long enough or healthy enough or even enough, and the color is never quite right. Our car is not new or roomy enough, our home is too old and uninviting. My husband is not handy, my baby is not low-maintenance, the weather is not ideal, etc. etc. etc. Seems there is always something I can find to be disatisfied with. Although I don't come out and say it, I assume I think subconsciously that a different environment, a different body, a different financial situation, etc. would make me happier or at least more effective and peaceful.
I can see how God has been shaping me in this area over the last few years when money has been so tight. I have had periods when I've done quite well accepting our current situation and embracing it for what it is, but then there are periods when I am tired of being positive and I decide instead to fret and pout. Why can't we take vacations like everyone else? Why can't I ever get a massage or get my hair done a regular basis? Why do I have to shop at discount stores instead of the high-quality ones? Why don't we have a downpayment for a better house saved up? Why can't we go out to eat with everyone else? I begin to think that I am entitled to these things and more and that any deprivation of them is some sort of injustice! But, God never promised the excessive luxuries I have come to expect. He promised to care for me and provide for me, but I must remember that this may not play out exactly how I picture it in my head. God has ALWAYS made good on His promises to see us through, and that's the bottom line.
It is my prayer that I learn to not only be satisfied with the bare essentials, but to not even desire more than that. I don't want to be so in love with the STUFF and the status of this life that I forget to love God above all else. I want my boys to grow up observing a woman who was content in any circumstance, as long as she had God and who found her delight in HIM and the more meaningful things in life, like my family and friends. I want to be a woman that glorifies God for His provisions, whether they be minimal in the world's eyes or whether he chooses to pour out lavishly on us.

The Tribes of Benjamin

These two are so precious together! What a blessing to have two healthy boys who are both so wonderful, but so different.

Cody Update

Cody is almost eight months old. His infancy seems to have never existed, it went so fast. He has made my life SO much easier this last month now that he's been sitting up. He loves being able to see everything that's going on rather than being stuck staring at the ceiling. His favorite things are people's faces. He grabs and squeezes and pets them as he coos. He's still a brutally early riser, so we're hoping darker mornings and age will bring some improvement in that category. Other than that, though, he's such a perfect little blessing. You can see why his smile melts our hearts!




I can't imagine anything cuter than this. He was loving the little photo session we were having.

Ben Update

Ben is 28 months in a couple days! He has continued to develop at alarming speeds. It is still so strange for me to be able to hold completely coherent and complicated conversations with this kid who was an infant such a short time ago. His latest quirky things are that he tells me he doesn't love me and when I make a sad face, he comes and wraps his arms around my neck and says, "Come here, baby. You need a kiss?" and after he kisses me he says, "Are you so happy now?" I know he shouldn't be telling me such mean things to start with, but I love the series of events that follow, they're just too funny!
He also has a cruel habit of rubbing in the fact that he and Cody are getting big. He says "I'm gonna get BIGGER!" and I look devestated and say "NO!" and he gives me a hug and a kiss and then says it all over again. He thinks it's so funny. Me, not so much.
Oh, and let's not forget he potty trained in two days. Not sure why we put it off for so long, he made it pretty easy.


The Bean at Kathryn Albertson Park, my new favorite place to go in Boise.



Doesn't this expression demonstrate perfectly how sweet he is?

Cody has the sweetest smile on his face almost constantly. It makes it impossible to have a bad day.


Ben is still so proud to have a little brother. Cody lights up with Ben like he doesn't with anyone else.


Cody Michael is about to turn 7 months old. He is just the sweetest little man alive. Well, the co-sweetest.


A proud dad and his adorable boys


Our little car fanatic is showing some interest in sports and revealing that he just might be talented as well. Dad is delighted. (:

Bankrupt in Spirit

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"

When giving this verse my typical, half-hearted glance over, I have always imagined "poor in spirit" to mean "down in the dumps". That God was saying, "Hey, if you're feeling a little low, take heart! I'm going to lift your spirit one day in heaven." While that isn't entirely untrue, it certainly isn't what this verse is alluding to at all and really just demonstrates my immature interpretation of things.

The note on this verse is what made me take a second look. It says that "poor in spirit" means the exact opposite of self-sufficient. Don't we think of self-sufficiency as such a good thing? I have always been proud to say I enjoy being self-sufficient, that I don't need others to pity me or donate to me or whatever the case may be. I even see that leaking over into my spiritual frame of mind in so many ways. I would never come out and say that I wanted to live apart from God's provision or direction or lead, but I live as though that is my ultimate goal. I attempt to prove to God that I can do what it takes to impress Him if He just sits back and waits. I try and fail and so I tell myself to try harder. I must subconsciously believe that if and when I succeed at something, that God will be all the more impressed with me that I did it without even asking for His help.

So, what a concept to hear that Jesus says how happy/fortunate/blissful are those who lack self-sufficiency and recognize it!! So, He'd MUCH rather see me fall prostrate before Him and cry out in everything, "I know as well as You do, Lord, that I cannot do this. If I try, I will fail. I NEED You." He says that a heart like this will be blessed beyond measure.

The note goes onto mention the recognition of one's own "spiritual bankruptcy". I have heard that phrase and even used it from time to time. But, when I really step back and think of the word picture there, it is so clear what He's saying. When a debt, say a mortgage loan, is owed to a bank, the debtor is required to pay it. There are no easy ways around that. It is expected. However, when the debtor runs out of all resources and ability to pay that debt, he must file bankruptcy and admit to the bank that there is no way he can ever pay it back. The bank, having accepted the risk from the beginning, is forced to forgive that debt. In the financial world, the money is no longer owed, but the debtor's credit is stained permanately.

With God, we must realize that the debt we owe is not one we will EVER be able to pay. Even at our very best, we will never be able to take a small chunk out of the debt we owe for our sin. We have not become bankrupt, we were BORN bankrupt. The struggle is that we have such a hard time admitting that and cutting out the worthless efforts to cover that ugly fact up. It's the epitome of humiliation, to ever have to say "I am nothing, I am wretched, I am hopeless", but, that's what we are. If we would just admit our spiritual bankruptcy, Christ-being infinitely wiser and holier than a bank, will forgive the debt. He made that possible through shedding His blood on the Cross for our sins. That debt was long ago paid, but we have to accept it. The most fascinating thing is, once we do, there is no permanate stain on us; we are as white as snow!

The gift of the Kingdom of Heaven is purely one of GRACE. We cannot atone for our own debt to God. Instead, we continue to add to that debt with every sin we go on committing, and the cycle WILL NOT STOP short of heaven. Christ's sacrafice for us is the only hope we have. Simply being humble, Jesus says, will make us happy.